CASE ID: VEF-001 • STATUS: LEAKED • CLEARANCE: NONE
VEGAN EPSTEIN FILES
Leaked plant-based evidence archive. Serious stamps, stupid trees.
Satire. No humans. PG-13. Everything censored on purpose.
VEF_001_POSSESSION_48
AL_INC
CASE SUMMARY
An anonymous dropbox of tree 'incidents' hit the timeline. We don't know who leaked it. We only know it's deeply uncomfortable, aggressively censored, and 100% plant-based.
POLAROID DUMPS
EVIDENCEFlash-lit 'evidence' photos. Heavy grain. Heavier censorship.
TAG: VEF-PHOTO • COUNT: 48
CCTV FRAMES
CONFIDENTIALLow-res park cameras catching branches doing crimes.
TAG: VEF-CCTV • RANGE: 00:12-03:41
FORENSIC NOTES
REDACTEDBark samples, stamps, bad handwriting, worse conclusions.
TAG: VEF-LAB • STATUS: INCONCLUSIVE
Subject A: Oak. Subject REDACT Interact
B: Birch. REDACTED ion:
— excerpt recovered from partial scan
Witness report: 'It was… photosynthesis,
but weird.'